Life Update #1

Personally I have come to realize that the true beauty in life is facing the obstacles we are presented with at every point, not letting them break us down and coming through no matter what. Sometimes we get it easy, sometimes we don’t and that in itself is beautiful. Either way we are winners, because each fight gives us something to learn from. And so long as we keep learning, we definitely keep winning.

Thankfully, I am coming out of a major low point in my life. A low I never knew existed or could even exist for me as a person. It’s common to come across different stories of how people have given up totally on their lives and cannot keep on fighting. But the truth is it only becomes so real when you’re the one struggling to see what truly life has to offer.

I thought I actually had everything under control. I thought that somehow I was managing to juggle everything – my worries, my fears, my troubles and still be “happy”. At this point I don’t know why I picture God sitting up there, legs crossed, popcorn in hand laughing really hard at me while I tried to maneuver my way through life ALONE. I thought everything was going fine until I actually started to realize that it wasn’t at all. How could I be truly happy when the supplier of the joy that knows no bounds was oh so far from me?

My source, my lifeline, the one who keeps me going, the one whom I can always turn to in times of trouble, the one I can put all of my trust in because He never fails, my provider, my protector, my life giver, the one I can always fall back on no matter what, the one in whom I find rest, supplier of peace that surpasses all understanding, comfort giver, unfailing friend. I can never run out of words when describing my source, but for the purpose of this post I’d like to stop here.

There was a point in my life where I felt so close to Jesus. I was ingesting His Word, day in, day out. I was trying my best to live by them also. I was in such a peaceful place. Then suddenly or rather, not quite suddenly (because it took a while to happen), I started to drift apart. I kept on telling myself I didn’t have time anymore, I began to misplace my priorities, I started to feel like I could do this on my own (which of course is a big fat lie). I stopped making time for God in my life. I just lost this consciousness that I have a father whom I am forever accountable to. I stopped reading my Bible, I stopped praying as frequently as I used to before, I stopped meditating on His Word. Most tragically, I stopped applying His Word to my life daily.

Autumn in Park City, Utah Photo credit: Niaz Uddin
Autumn in Park City, Utah. Photo credit: Niaz Uddin

I tried to draw my happiness from friends, relationships, family, etc. While this is great, it isn’t enough to constantly look to others for your own happiness. It isn’t okay to be unhappy when you’re done hanging out with your friends, or when he says goodnight and has to return home, or when once you put down your phone.  It isn’t okay to not be happy with yourself and continuously beat yourself down behind closed doors. True happiness comes from within you and even radiates outwards, illuminating the lives of those around you. I was like a leech sucking off of these people, without having anything tangible to really give back. I was empty.

Good things were happening, but I couldn’t seem to appreciate them properly. I couldn’t see the light that others were seeing. Things were getting out of hand with my family. My mom was constantly losing it and my dad kept on driving her insane. There was so much confusion all about the place. I kept on getting signs everywhere that I needed to make a U-turn, I needed to sort things out, I needed to get down on my knees and fight for what was mine through Christ.

But somehow I kept on holding back. I kept on thinking, you know what, “God is probably tired of you going back and forth all the time”, “you don’t even deserve to be happy after taking it all for granted”, “you aren’t worth any of it”, “don’t even bother trying”, “it’s no use at all”, “you’re still going to repeat the same thing over and over again”. I let all this sit in my heart and sink in. I forced myself to believe in these lies so much such that I forgot what they actually were – lies.

I read somewhere that you can’t change what you’re comfortable with. I understood this as: YOU CAN’T CHANGE WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO ALLOW. I didn’t quite like that I had drifted away from my source, but I chose to allow it and it stayed the same way. It had been three months since I last said a word of honest and true prayer. But now all of that is changing, because I have made up my mind to go home, to return home. I’m fed up and finally I want to do the right thing. I want to get my life back because THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO TIME TO WASTE.

You can do the same thing too. You may not be a Christian like me and that’s perfectly okay. You know you better than I do. You know what has been working for you. So long as it’s honest and true, please stick to it. You may be going through something similar to what I am experiencing. It is very normal to backslide in one’s faith, I mean it happens. I just want to encourage you to make that change, to return home to what gives your life a sense of direction, a sense of purpose.

And no, I am not saying that once you do that all of your problems will be solved immediately. Now that’s very unrealistic. I’m saying that hope begins to grow in you and somehow you begin to have faith in God to carry you through any storm coming your way. You begin to have faith in yourself and your abilities, you begin to discover your true purpose in life. You will start to realize that there are much more better things to come once you begin to see beyond the obstacles in your path.

Most importantly, YOU ALSO HAVE TO WANT TO BE IN A BETTER PLACE. You have to be willing to do the work, mentally and emotionally to bring yourself to that place where you want to be. You have to guide your thoughts in the line of positivity. Remind yourself that your thoughts are exactly what they are – THOUGHTS. Your thoughts are not reality so consciously, make effort to stop fretting over things that don’t even exist. I mean that’s insane.

Life is way too short to be going in the wrong direction. I believe in you to make that change today. And I hope you do.

Love,

Daniella x

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Zephanie Vedette says:

    😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I never thought someone else could lay it out so well. I’ve often taken God for granted thinking that if I just work hard I could do it on my own and because of that, I fell into depression, I tried to fill that void with friends, writing and all sorts of things, but it never worked. I still remember crying into my pillow just wanting to die. But over and over again, God keeps telling me, “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Thank you Daniella, I was in one of those stages again, slowly withdrawing from God without realising it. But I feel strengthened once more. I’m sorry for this long comment, but I really needed to pour out my heart. Thanks❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Daniex with the fire says:

      It is totally okay. I’m happy that you can relate and you aren’t in this together. Stay strong girl. God has you

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Tee says:

    Dee, at least I wasn’t in this alone.I really ThankGod for using this as my saving Grace..Thankyouu!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Daniex with the fire says:

      No thank you for reading this post and being inspired by it. We’ll get through no matter what obstacle

      Like

  3. Ella sam says:

    This is legit so beautiful 😭😭🤧
    I just figured that I’ve actually not really been listening or paying attention to God anymore and tbh this has really inspired me to go back to him and do the right thing
    Thanks for this write up it’s totally amazing ♥️✨♥️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Daniex with the fire says:

      Yass girl. In all, God is the centre. I’m so happy that this has helped steer you in the right direction. Thanks for giving this post a read!

      Like

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